You are currently viewing How to use AI to be a better online dater

How to use AI to be a better online dater

In the last blog, we looked at whether AI programs like ChatGPT can help you write a great dating profile. At the risk of spoiling it for you, the answer is no. If you haven’t seen it, you can read the original blog post HERE. As much as I love talking about the importance of a great dating profile, there is more to successful online dating than just your profile. You need photos that make a great first impression and a messaging strategy that makes people want to respond to you. In this post, we are going to take a look at what AI can do when it comes to your photos and messages, and whether it is the smartest way to go.

The Big No’s For Using AI For Online Dating:

Why you should not use AI to polish your dating photos

One of the things I tell my clients when it comes to their photos is that when you meet someone in person after finding each other on a dating app, they will react one of three ways: 

  • Wow! You look even better than your photos!
  • Thank goodness, you look like your photos. 
  • Hmm, you look different from your photos. 

 Sometimes your date will say it out loud, and sometimes you’ll just see it in their eyes. If you get either of the first two responses, you are in good shape. If you get the third, you’ve blown it and your date feels like you’ve lied to them. 

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve had a sharp increase in clients who have sent me photos that were either tweaked or entirely created by AI programs. Each photo is instantly recognizable as having been altered by AI. Even though they are all very polished, professional-quality shots, there is always something a little bit off that makes the photo feel cold or fake. When that happens, people lose trust in your profile and they move on to the next person.  

For the privacy of my clients, I will not share any examples they have sent me over the last several months. Instead, we are going to look at one of the leading providers of AI-enhanced dating pics, Artisse. While I do not recommend using AI to enhance your profile photos, they do seem to be one of the best at what they do. With that said, let’s look at one of the before and after examples they have posted on their site to illustrate why AI photo enhancing isn’t quite there yet as a technology. 

 

In this example, the website claims that this person went from no matches to 20+ after using AI to tweak their photos. However, if you look at the AI-enhanced photos, you will quickly notice a few issues. 

  • In every photo where his chest is visible, they have made his muscles significantly larger than they are in real life. 
  • In the first photo, his head is disproportionately smaller than the rest of his body. 
  • The photos have a stiff, overly posed look to them that feels more suited to magazines than trying to connect with someone
  • There is something ever-so-slightly off about the backgrounds. At a glance, you don’t notice it, but the longer you look, the less real they appear. 
Using AI to enhance your dating photos
Photo via – https://artisse.ai/ai-dating/

In reality, the subject of these photos doesn’t need AI-generated photos. He probably doesn’t even need professional photos. What he needs is advice. With a little guidance on lighting, making sure he’s not looking away from the camera, avoiding mirror selfies, keeping the camera far enough away that he can capture more of his torso, and… keeping his shirt on, this guy could make a great first impression. Unfortunately, now he looks fake. 

 

Why you should not use AI to help you send messages on dating apps

Aside from writing a great profile and taking good profile pics, the thing that seems to trip people up the most on dating apps is knowing how to send a compelling message. Over the last year, several services that, for a small fee, give you access to AI chatbots that will craft those messages for you.  The reality is that those services are not good. There is nothing they can do for you that you can’t do for yourself by opening up ChatGPT. With that said, ChatGPT isn’t a great solution for you either.

Yes, you can paste a profile into the chatbot and ask it to create a message for you. You can even ask it to revise that message by making it shorter, more clever, more conversational, or any other adjective you can think of. The result is something that feels overly generic, bland, and a little bit desperate. Let’s take a look at this example. 

To create this example, I opened up Tinder and I grabbed the very first profile that showed up in my carousel. I then copied and pasted the complete text into ChatGPT and asked it to write me a message that I could send to the woman. After multiple attempts, the message it created was generic, needy, and way too formal. It ended up sounding like someone desperate to garner the attention of the person they like, not someone starting a natural conversation. Check it out below: 

AI for online dating

chatgpt message 1

chatgpt message 2

*Online dating messaging pro-tip: One of the biggest mistakes people make when they send messages have nothing to do with what the other person’s profile actually says. A great first message on a dating app starts a conversation and makes the person you are texting feel seen and heard. If you see someone that you “want,” but you can’t think of a single thing in their profile about which you’d want to talk to them, don’t send the message. 

Online dating IS NOT a numbers game. When you start taking blind shots at everyone you think is vaguely attractive, you are setting yourself up for burnout. Of course, you should be attracted to the people you message on dating apps. This is dating, and physical chemistry is a big part of that. But, attraction should be the reason you decide to read someone’s profile, it should never be the sole reason you message them. If it is, you are going to get rejected. 

 

Conclusion

Online dating can feel awkward at times. You are putting yourself on an app or dating site in hopes of connecting with someone. Some things don’t come across online that are easily conveyed in person. But, even without being able to read someone’s body language or look into their eyes, you can still get a good idea of the people you are talking to. Honesty is a huge part of that. When you start altering your photos with AI or asking chatbots to come up with things to say for you, you are no longer honestly representing yourself. You are writing a check that you won’t be able to cash when you meet the person at the other end.

There’s a reason that we include a free assessment of your photos with all of our online dating profile writing services. We want to make sure that you are posting accurate, warm photos.  That is all people want from your photos. Most issues with dating photos are not problems with the people. They are issues with lighting, posture, body language, or setting. With a little guidance, that can be fixed. What can’t be fixed the moment you meet someone, and they realize you look or act differently than the person they thought was showing up on the date.

Before you waste your time using ChatGPT or any other AI service to try and tweak your profile, fix your photos, or Cyrano de Bergerac your way into someone’s heart (or you’ve already tried and see how badly it has gone), give me a call. You can reach me at 888-447-7634 ext 1 or via our Contact Us page. It’s time to stop trying to get first dates and start being the kind of person who gets tenth dates.

If you’re looking to authentically improve your online dating profile to land the right partner for you, consider submitting your name and profile for a free online dating profile assessment. We’ll provide our honest feedback, and let you know the next steps to take to better your online dating profile.

Leave a Reply