The online dating process can be rough on women, but a lot of the stress that you experience when using an app like Tinder or Bumble, a dating site like Match, eHarmony, or even (God forbid.) POF comes from bad advice and expectations of what we think things are supposed to be. The weird thing is that you nearly have all the power when it comes to online dating and 90% of the problems that I hear about from my female clients are completely avoidable when you realize that you aren’t just a passenger in your journey towards a great relationship, you are actually in control of your own destiny!
Before we get into the things you can do to make online dating better for yourself, let’s take a minute to acknowledge what you can’t do. You can’t stop guys from acting like idiots. Most men who use online dating sites are good people who mean well. That said, there is a very vocal minority that does a pretty good job of trying to ruin it for everyone. If one of these people crosses your path, you have two arrows in your quiver. First, block them so that they can’t contact you anymore. Second, and I’m amazed that so few women do this, report them to the dating site. There is a button for that on every profile on almost every reputable dating site in the world. If you don’t report them, they are just going to go off and ruin someone else’s day. As a community, you can kick these idiots off the platform.
Now, let’s get down to business. There are three very simple things you can do that I promise, will change your romantic destiny!
1. What do you want vs What you don’t want
Men and women alike tend to be slaves to their own histories. But while our past experiences help inform where we come from, we can’t let our baggage steer the car into the future, or we are going to wind-up in an emotional pile-up that could have been avoided. Take a minute to think about the things that you want in your next relationship. How many of the items on your list are there because they are the opposite of what you had in past relationships? When we base our relationship goals on the negativity of past experience, it’s like staring at the truck you don’t want to hit on the highway. Before you know it, you are going to find yourself in one heck of a fender bender.
Society has taught women to be submissive when it comes to dating and relationships. Men approach women in a crowded room. Men ask women out. Men propose. Other than ‘Meet Joe Black’, I can’t think of a single romantic film where the woman pursued the man. In fact, popular culture has a tendency to portray women who pursue men as dark and crazy characters. It’s time to unlearn this garbage. There is no such thing as a single man who doesn’t want to be approached by a potentially compatible partner. In fact, any guy who is so hung up on his ego that he needs to be the one to make the first move really isn’t the kind of guy you want to be with anyways.
The #1 complaint I get from women on dating sites is that they don’t like the men who are emailing them. When I ask them about the men they are reaching out to, the answer is almost always that they only have emailed a couple of people, or they just focus on the men who contact them. This is not good. Think of it this way. If you sit there and wait for people to contact you, you only get to pick from the ones who do. But if you set up a search (on the sites that allow it), and then reach out to the guys you find interesting (that means send them a short note, not just favoriting their profile or sending a wink), you now have total control over the men you get to interact with!
3. Don’t half-ass it
There is a large percentage of women’s profiles on dating sites that just have photos. How is anyone supposed to know who you are and what you want if all you give them is some pics? Granted, we aren’t talking about Tinder here. If you are looking for a relationship on Tinder, we have other things we need to talk about. We’re talking about relationship-minded dating sites. When you do this, you are forcing men to decide if they want to know you purely on images. It’s self-objectification. Also, any “decent” guy who comes across your profile could assume might be some sort of bot, or at least that you aren’t really that serious looking for a relationship.
If you are one of the people who want to write a profile, but you just aren’t good at writing about yourself, we’ve got several posts in this blog that will teach you the basics. If you want even more help than that, you can call me (Eric) directly @ my toll-free number: 888-447-7634, or you can check out some of our profile writing services here.
In the end, there are going to be good and bad guys on dating sites, or anywhere in the world, but there are things you can do to steer your destiny in the right direction. If you can do these three things, it will get better.
If you’re looking for online dating profile help, then take advantage of ProfileHelper’s 10-minute, no-cost consultation! We’ll help you write an online dating profile that maximizes your chances of finding that special someone.