Online Dating is one of the best ways to meet new people. There are tens of millions of people on dating sites and dating apps with the same relationship hopes as you. Unfortunately, most people are failing at online dating for reasons that are easily fixable. Here are five major mistakes that the average male online dater is making right now and how to fix it.
1. Your Online Dating Profile Is NOT a Used Car Ad
One of the most common problems that I see with men’s online dating profiles is that they are far too sales oriented. A lot of men list off their qualifications like they are features on a used car: “I’m a good listener, kind, spontaneous, with fresh tires and ice cold air…” This kind of approach is a huge turn off for women. If you have to sell yourself, it feels like you don’t believe women would be interested in you without convincing.
Instead of a laundry list of qualities, try telling some interesting details about your life that demonstrate them. Your profile will read much more naturally and attractively that way.
2. You’ve Got Bad Online Dating Photos
Before you get defensive, know that I’ve only had 3-4 clients in the last fourteen years of helping people with online dating that didn’t need to fix some of their photos. What makes a photo bad? Here’s a short list of some of the worst problems: bad lighting, no smile, obviously cropped out women, posing with cars or other material items, sunglasses, and selfies. If any of your photos can be described by any of the things I just mentioned, delete them now!
Here are a few quick tips to get you started on the path to great online dating photos: Take your photos outside, during the day. Natural light is better than any flash or light bulb. Take off your sunglasses (this includes Transitions lenses). When a woman can’t see your eyes, it makes it a lot harder for her to form a connection with you. This problem can also extend to hats. They can cast a shadow over your face, making it hard to see you. Don’t take pictures yourself. Call a friend and have them do it. Your arms are too short to take a good selfie and you almost always end up looking distracted.
3. You’re a “machine gun” man
I’ve had countless men call and write to me, complaining about how they have sent 10, 20, or even 50 emails out a week to women with little to no response. If you are doing this, stop right now! Despite what many people like to tell you, online dating is not a numbers game. Spraying out emails like machine gun fire looks means that you aren’t focusing enough on the women you are contacting. You are probably sending out generic messages, possibly even cutting and pasting from email to email. The problem is that women are not stupid. They can tell when you haven’t really read their profiles, or if you are sending the same email to a bunch of women. Slow it down, focus on the best matches, and send a message that starts a conversation.
4. You are trying to date ghosts
Dating sites want you to email as many people as possible. This helps them make money as people you contact have to subscribe to read your messages. The vast majority of people who aren’t subscribed don’t use the site very often. In fact, if someone isn’t logging in at least a couple times a week, I consider them to be a ghost. Maybe they are dating someone new and seeing how it goes before they pull down their profile. Maybe they’ve quit online dating. Maybe they’ve been abducted by aliens. All that matters is that they aren’t there to answer your message. Make sure you check the activity dates of your matches and focus on the frequent users. It will cut down a lot on your failure rate.
5. You are only focused on what YOU want
Look, I’m not saying that you should email someone that you don’t find attractive, or that doesn’t interest you. I’m just saying that what you want isn’t the only thing that matters. One of the biggest complaints I get from my female clients is that they are getting a ton of emails from guys who are clearly not what they are looking for. One of the traps of online dating is how easy it is to contact someone. You may not have to risk a face-to-face rejection, but a lack of responses is still a rejection. Worse, a lot of great women are fleeing dating sites because they get emails from guys who just think they are hot. Make sure you look over every woman’s complete profile before you send them a message. Look for evidence that you are actually a good match for her. Don’t just focus on if she’s good for you.
These tips are a great place to start if you are failing at online dating. If you need more help, you can call me at 1-888-447-7634, or check out our services. Next time, we’ll tackle five major reasons that women are failing at online dating.