Online dating isn’t easy, regardless of your gender, but there are certain challenges that women deal with that most men will never understand. The good news is that you have a lot of power when it comes to meeting someone on a dating site. The bad news is that most women aren’t using that power. If you follow these easy tips, you’ll be well on your way to being the architect of your online dating success.
1. Be The Hunter, Not The Prey
There are still a lot of women out there who put up a profile on a dating site and wait to see what comes their way. This is a path to failure because it means you only get to choose the best of what finds you. That doesn’t sound like a good plan. After all, who knows what you want more than you? If you want the best odds at finding someone that really sparks your interest, you’re going to have to look for them.
2. Focus On The Positive
Women, more than men, have a habit of listing the things that they don’t want in their profiles. Mentioning one or two things is relatively harmless, but turning your profile into a laundry list of negativity never works. You just end up scaring off the good guys and attracting the parasites who want to feed off vulnerability. Before you post your profile, read it out loud to yourself. Look for negativity and delete it. Focus on the things you do want. Write about the positive goals you have for a partner. When you are driving your car, you look where you want to go. You don’t stare at the truck you are trying to avoid.
3. Dating Is NOT A Numbers Game
Your friends are all great people who want what is best for you, but they are not you. They only know the version of you that they have experienced. It’s a subjective view of you, and it can lead to a lot of well-meaning but bad advice. The most common bad advice that friends give you is: “You’ve got to get out there and date a bunch of guys. You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. This is a numbers game.”I find that most people who tell their friends that dating is a numbers game is still playing that game themselves. The truth is that this is anything but a numbers game. Trust yourself. Don’t fall prey to FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Going on dates just for the sake of going out leads to emotional burn-out. Take your time and make sure that you are contacting people that you like and who genuinely seem like they are looking for you. It will be worth it!
4. Look Out For Eachother
It is unfortunate, but there is a small percentage of guys on dating sites that tend to get a little toxic. The bad guys tend to break down into two categories: the run of the mill dirtbag and the guy who has failed for so long at online dating that they have grown bitter and angry about the whole process. Dating sites like Match, eHarmony, ChristianMingle, OKCupid, make it really easy to report and block these profiles. I’m amazed how many people don’t take advantage of it. If you don’t report bad actors, they will just continue to spread their toxicity. If you report them, you’ll help all the other women on your dating site. Then, just block them, so you never have to hear from them again.
5. Know Your Worth
On most dating sites, men outnumber women until around the age of 67, when men suddenly find themselves in the minority. This means that you have a lot more power than you realize. This is compounded by the fact that men send a lot more messages on dating sites than women. Some research shows that men send up to 10x the number of first messages compared with women. What does this mean? It means that your chances of a response skyrocket when you are emailing a man. Now, this doesn’t mean that you can get away with just texting “Hi,” or telling them you like their profile. Start a conversation and ask them a question about something they said in their profile. If you made sure to pay attention to tip #3, you will almost always get a response!
In the end, online dating isn’t an instant cure for singlehood, but it is an amazing way to meet great people. Trust me, it’s how I met my wife and how a lot of my clients over the last 14 years have met the love of their lives. You just have to remember how much power you have in the whole online dating process. You don’t need someone to find you and tell you that you should like them. Get out there, take control of the situation, and write your own happy ending.
If you follow these five tips, you’ll be better off than 90% of the women in online dating. If you need a little more help getting started on the right foot, an online dating coach can help. Give me a call (Eric) at 1-888-447-7634, or check out our services. Let me help you take control of your online dating life.