Writing dating profiles is hard. That’s why I’ve spent the last 18 years devoting my life to helping people get out of their own way and show the best, real version of themselves in their dating profiles. A couple of years ago, we started offering free online dating profile assessments to anyone who just wanted to see how their profile stacked up. It was amazing to see certain online dating profile mistakes people keep making that almost guarantee you won’t get messaged, responded to, or swiped right. If you are doing any of the following things, they are part of the reason your profile is getting passed over by the people you want to meet.
- Your profile is too short.
All relationships are conversations, and a good profile is a jumping-off point for a conversation. If you don’t give someone enough information to get a conversation started, you make it impossible for someone to like you for anything other than your photos. It doesn’t matter if you are talking about a profile for Match or eHarmony, or profiles where there are tight character limits like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. You have to take advantage of the opportunity to introduce yourself or fall victim to online dating profile mistakes. That means you aren’t just writing a couple adjectives or activities in a list or writing something generic that meets the minimum length requirements. The fact is that people don’t respond as much to people who have almost nothing in their profiles. If your profile makes it look like you don’t care, why would anyone else care enough to want to talk to you?
- Your profile is too long.
Just because a dating site or app gives you the space to put whatever you want in your profile, it doesn’t mean that you should. Think about the space that you have and the way people are looking at it. Tinder allows 500 characters in their profile and Bumble allows 300. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but it can be when you consider that people are reading it on their phones. Hinge, meanwhile, limits you to 150 characters per answer, so you can’t really make something too long. The real danger is on more profile-driven dating apps like Match where you can post up to 4,000 characters. It doesn’t matter what you write, once you get past 250 words, people just stop reading. Don’t be a victim of common online dating profile mistakes like this.
- You aren’t smiling.
When it comes to connecting with someone through your photo, the two most important factors are your eyes and your smile. That is how warmth is conveyed. If you can’t show warmth in your photos, you can’t create an environment where people can see you as a person they’d want to be around. Many online dating profile mistakes include photos. In the simplest of terms, people want to be around people who can enhance their world. A smile goes a long way towards showing that you will be someone who adds something good and positive to their life.
- You are showing off your baggage from past relationships.
You might not realize it when you let some of your baggage from past relationships creep into your profile, but it sticks out like a billboard to the people reading it. If you don’t have trust issues, there’s no reason to ask for someone who is trustworthy. If you aren’t getting over someone being unfaithful, there’s no reason to ask for someone looking for a monogamous relationship (unless you are on OKCupid). Before you post your profile, look it over and ask yourself: Am I asking for anything in my profile that would qualify as a basic characteristic of a decent human? If there is, get rid of it.
- You are getting defensive.
Do you know who says that they are “young for their age,” or “young at heart?” People who are worried that other people will think they are too old. All comments like that do is make you seem insecure about your age. This is one of many online dating profile mistakes I see almost every day. People make comments in their profile to deflect about age, height, weight, and a dozen other factors. No one wants to be around someone who comes off as defensive or like they aren’t comfortable in their own skin. If there’s something you are a little insecure about, just don’t mention it. Most of the time, you are the one drawing people’s attention to it in the first place.
- You are using too many selfies.
I’m just going to come right out and say it. 9-out-of-10 times, selfies suck! You are either looking in the wrong place, not smiling, making weird duck lips, or the camera is so close to your face that the person looking at it feels like they can smell what you had for lunch. If you need one simple reason to rely less on selfies, it is that they are tightly cropped. This gives the impression that you could be 20-40 lbs. heavier than you actually are. People need to see as much of your torso as possible. If they don’t, they will imagine a worst-case scenario. A great headshot for your dating profile should be much closer to being from the waist up and a good distance from your phone for photos is 6-8 feet.
- You are selling too hard.
It’s very easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you have to convince someone to give you a chance or that you have to beat out your competition. Neither of those things is true. First of all, there is no competition. It isn’t you vs everyone else of your gender to get the man or woman you want. It’s whether or not you have a connection with that individual. Secondly, you can’t convince someone to give you a chance when it comes to dating. They either have an inclination towards you or not. If you really want to convince them, let them know who you are. Don’t give them a sales pitch, one of many common online dating profile mistakes. No one wants to be sold to on a dating site and no one is going to believe you when you go out of your way to tell them how honest and generous you are, or what a good listener you are. Just talk about your life. Give people a window into who you are and leave the sales pitch out of it.
If you’re struggling with online dating, there’s a good chance that you are making at least one of these online dating profile mistakes. Even if you aren’t struggling, I’d bet that you’ve seen most of these mistakes almost every time you’ve logged into a dating app or read a dating profile. The good news is that these problems are fixable. Even if you made every mistake on the list, it doesn’t mean that you are hopeless. It means that there are at least seven things we can do to improve your online dating success!
If you already have a dating profile and want to see if there’s something you’ve written that is causing you to fail at online dating, please take advantage of our free online dating profile assessment. I’ll go through your profile personally and get back to you with any issues I find and suggestions on what we can do to improve it. If you don’t have a profile, but you want to get started with online dating, just give me a call at 888-447-7634 or reach out to me through our contact form HERE.